TNA Wrestling - What If AJ Styles Was the Father?
I love TNA Wrestling. I love everything about that company right now. Well, let me rephrase that. I love almost everything about that company. I still wish Spike TV and TNA agreed to air Impact Wrestling live every Thursday night. I wish that Spike TV would give TNA another program - maybe an hour-long show for the weekend - so TNA’s huge roster would have a better chance to get exposure to all of the talent. I wish Brooke Hogan were not a part of TNA Wrestling in any form or fashion. Despite her “graceful” moves, porno movie acting abilities, and mongoloid appearance, I just cannot find myself a fan of her work. However, as bad as Brooke is, she rarely appears on Impact despite being in charge of the Knockouts division so I cannot in good conscious say she is the worst thing in TNA Wrestling. Not when this woman is still around…
This is Claire Lynch. I do not want to get into the entire saga of Claire Lynch because, frankly, I might have a stroke trying to comprehend it all. Here is the gist.
AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels were involved in an outstanding feud based on Daniels’ professional jealousy of Styles. Daniels used some photographs of Styles to turn Frankie Kazarian against Styles as well. The photographs in question showed AJ Styles and TNA owner Dixie Carter in compromising positions. Styles and Carter were not having an affair though; they were helping a mutual friend get off drugs. That friend was Claire Lynch. Daniels said the story was not over though and Lynch, pregnant, revealed to the world that AJ Styles was the father of her unborn child. She showed photographs of the night of conception on Impact while AJ Styles continued to deny his involvement with Lynch. Last week on Impact, Styles pinned Daniels in a Bound for Glory Series match to also win the right to a paternity test.
With the paternity test upcoming, the culmination of this angle is approaching. Styles will be exonerated. Daniels and Kazarian will look like despicable heels. Lynch will fade off into wrestling obscurity. Moreover, the angle will become forgotten wrestlecrap by everyone except fans like me who remember even the worst wrestling angles while being unable to recall important things like basic math skills or the names of family members. I am one of many fans glad to see this angle ending. From the moment TNA introduced Claire Lynch into the storyline, everything became painful to watch except for the Styles-Daniels matches. Perhaps it was because the biggest role Lynch, a Florida actress, had before this angle was as Olive Oyl in Universal Studios…
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| Claire Lynch's day job |
… or that she has the look of a psycho when even doing the simplest things.
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| Creepy, right? |
Look at her. She is just watching a match but she looks like she could snap at anytime and murder everyone in the Impact Zone. Now, if she were to snap and go into a Ken Shamrock “freak out” circa 1997, I would be sad about the news that Claire Lynch is leaving us. She would replace Mickie James and Trish Stratus as my favorite woman in wrestling history with a Shamrock “snap.”
With the end of this angle approaching though, I have noticed a few people actually criticizing TNA Wrestling for “rushing” the angle. Yes, even when TNA sees something is not working and chooses to end it rather than using the WWE’s idea of forcing it down fans’ throats anyway or dropping it instantly without resolution, TNA is not doing things right. The people who have that mindset need to be shot. Shot at close range. Shot at close range in the face. What more could one want with this angle? Seriously, what do these people want?
I guess they want AJ Styles named the father. So, what if AJ Styles was the father of this baby? I guess the following would happen.
Claire Lynch goes into labor and has the child backstage at Bound for Glory in October. Instead of finishing his match against Christopher Daniels, because these two must fight forever, Styles runs backstage for the birth. Styles is given the choice of staying with Lynch and their child, a baby boy affectionately named Albatross Jizanthapus Styles, or returning home to his wife and three children that everyone knows about because of Styles’ side tattoo. In wrestling’s version of Sophie’s Choice, Styles returns to his family at home. Albatross finds guidance, leadership, and an affinity for appletinis from Daniels. Daniels files for custody of Albatross Jizanthapus Styles and wins custody of him by hiring the same lawyer he used to win custody of Frankie Kazarian. Styles, angered by the courtroom defeat, turns heel and assaults his lawyer, Joseph Park. Over the next couple of years, Albatross Jizanthapus Styles grows into an adorable little career killer. AJ wants his son back though. Eventually, with the blessing of his wife and family, AJ challenges Daniels to a Custody of Albatross Ladder match at Slammiversary. AJ Styles wins the match and custody of little Albatross. Then, Albatross hits Styles with a low blow and runs to Serg Salinas, husband of TNA owner Dixie Carter. Serg reveals that he knew AJ was sleeping with Dixie Carter so he slept with Claire Lynch and framed AJ. As fans in the Impact Zone throw garbage (WWE scripts) at the ring, Vince Russo then walks onto the entrance stage from backstage and basks in the glory of the worst angle in the history of professional wrestling.
I guess the TNA haters of the world would probably find a way to crap on that too. Wrestling fans are just never happy.
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