Wrestling with Emotion - A Recap of WrestleMania XXIX

Wrestling... with Emotion

WrestleMania XXIX Recap – or – How I Learned to Not Watch WrestleMania and Merely Outsource The Highlight Reel



As you can tell from the title of this week’s edition, I did not watch WrestleMania XXIX on Sunday. I was not going to pay $70 for this farce or stream a second of it online when it was running at the same time as the 48th annual Academy of Country Music Awards. I enjoyed my WrestleMania Sunday as Luke Bryan won his first Entertainer of the Year award, Jason Aldean won Male Vocalist of the Year, and Miranda Lambert walked away with three awards including Female Vocalist of the Year. Instead of watching such “classics” as Dwayne Johnson vs. John Cena in their Once In A Lifetime for the Second Time match, I was in a musical wonderland watching as Lady Antebellum, Carrie Underwood, The Band Perry, Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, George Strait, Tim McGraw, and Taylor Swift were among the 23 performances of the night.

The Band Perry performs "DONE." at the ACMs.

Carrie Underwood performs "Two Black Cadillacs" at the ACMs.

Alas, I was not able really to give a fair take on this event. I did watch RAW the following night after hearing of how Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was not going to appear on RAW because he either was injured at WrestleMania or simply big-timed the company after getting all the money and movie promotions possible. In tuning into RAW, I saw a New Jersey crowd on fire and into everything but the actual in-ring product.



Fandango, World Wrestling Entertainment’s sign that Vince McMahon finally knows what Dancing with The Stars is, became the most popular star in the company as he audience sang his entrance music during his brief match with Kofi Kingston and later throughout New York as witnessed by multiple YouTube videos posted by fans. In addition, Dolph Ziggler finally cashed his Money in the Bank contract in and became World Heavyweight Champion with a win over Alberto Del Rio in a move that was extremely popular with both the fans and the locker room.

RAW was not horrible. However, it was not good either. The fans were great. The atmosphere was great. Outside of those people, the three-hour telecast was extremely forgettable because of mediocre matches and segments that went nowhere. Still, outside of the appearance of The Undertaker and Chris Jericho, the show focused on the real wrestlers who appear nightly and not the part-time players Vince McMahon thinks he must cater to in order to survive. The absence of part-time talent means I may actually tune in next week.

While I did not watch WrestleMania, I know many people who did. Therefore, I am turning over The Highlight Reel to these gentlemen. These are wrestling fans I know and trust. Even when I disagree with their opinions, I do so knowing these are genuine fans of the professional wrestling business and not the fair-weather fans of sports entertainment that suckle at the teat of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Without further ado, here are some WrestleMania XXIX reviews beginning first with a man who lives 10 minutes from MetLife Stadium and did not attend the show - Roy Zambrano from the International Wrestling Podcast. 

“WrestleMania, the biggest ENTERTAINMENT event of the year - and yeah they kept say entertainment over wrestling. It started with the IWC's current love, The Shield, in a match that was mainly forgettable, had its moments, but lead to the latest Big Show heel turn. Then, you had SO MANY VIDEO PACKAGES including a late Hurricane Sandy relief segment - even though most of New Jersey has all ready recovered from the hurricane.  Also, there was a stupid segment with John Bradshaw Layfield and Jerry Lawler playing with action figures.

The World Tag Team Championship match took place. There was a reference to last year's WrestleMania debacle, known in some circles as "18 seconds: the match." The tag match was what you would expect: a regular tag match. In my opinion, Team Hell No has run its course. They keep teasing a break up. The more they wait, the less people will care. The stage was set for it and they missed it as Team Hell No retained.

There was stupid commentary that pissed me off to no end throughout the night because METLIFE IS IN F*CKING JERSEY AND NOT NEW F*CKIN' YORK! 

The FaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanDaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanGo vs. Chris Jericho match was next. I wanted to see more out of Fandango then we got. It was an okay match though and the right person went over in Fandango. Then, I will pretend P. Diddy was not there.

Next came one of the two good matches on the card: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger. Swagger and Del Rio have good chemistry in the ring. The match was good but they cut out Swagger's entrance to promote Slim Jims, making him look like sh*t in the process.

Only nine away from 30-0...

Then came the match of the night: CM Punk vs. The Undertaker. While marks will say that Taker should have put Punk over, even though Punk has said that he will retire in three years, "the streak" should only end to a young guy - not young in terms of years with the company - but a person in his mid 20s. Then, WWE should push him and never look back. The match was good in terms of ring work and storytelling. Also, that Spanish announce table just would not break.

This was followed by the worst match of the night in Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar. Shawn Michaels came out first, then Brock Lesnar. Why, I don't know. Triple H came out with his little gazebo bullsh*t. Then, you come to a real problem: the match was even worse than the first one. The same problem remained: Triple H didn't allow Brock to look good. You have a 40+ year old man going punch to punch with a former UFC champion and winning. Weapons were not used much in the match much, which for a No Holds Barred and "Retirement Match," you would think they would use. Michaels had no propose in the match other than to run from Brock once, get laid out by an F-5 that Triple H merely brushed off, and to superkick Paul Heyman at the end. Another problem I had was Triple H trying to make Lesnar tap. While I do agree with the storytelling aspect of it, the execution was just sh*t. Brock applied the same kamura and HHH got out. Then Brock had trouble getting it on for a second time while when Triple H gets it, Brock can't get out (again a former UFC champ can't get out form a hold applied by a 40+ year old man). Triple H keeps getting the hold back with ease and wears Brock out to the point where Lesnar is begging for help from Paul Heyman. The guy you tried to build up as a monster is begging for help. A pedigree on the steps later and Triple H wins. The match really dragged on and the crowd was dead. You could hear the guys communicating in the ring. 

Finally, the main event came. John Cena came out to all BOOs while The Rock came out to cheers. It was not a good match but the crowd didn't care because they knew Cena was going to win and they didn't want that. The Rock is still not in ring shape as he got tired early on. The Rock had a bunch of almost finishes. Flash finishes are great. That's a reason why people loved the Attitude Era. But, they don't work when they are over done. It worked in the Punk-Undertaker match but didn't here. They tried the same finish from last year. In the end, Cena and Rock continued with the false finish bullsh*t until Cena finally won in the end.

See you next year for the rubber match.

WrestleMania 29 was an okay PPV. However, this was not good for WrestleMania standards. If it was a regular PPV, I would have been okay with it. But, it was the biggest show of the year. They spent so much time building to it and it felt like a regular PPV not worth half the amount people paid for it.”

The master of the Alabama (Jimmy) Jam - James Walsh:

“WrestleMania lacked the feel of a “real” WrestleMania. I know many people are b*tching about it “sucking.” However, it was not mind-numbingly bad. It was just not at the quality of a WrestleMania show. The Rock/Cena match went on far too long. Punk/Undertaker was good, great even, but that is nothing new when Undertaker has his two matches a year. The Jericho/Fandango match sucked but no one will admit it since Jericho is an IWC darling. Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger was “meh.” All in all, every match was either average or below average with no WrestleMania moments. As I said, besides Undertaker/Punk, I do not think any of them could be considered “good.” All had flaws in some shape or form - not botches (which I can overlook) - but just bad flaws stemming from poor storytelling to poor ring ability. It was like an Indy show with one good match. Unlike the Indy show though, not everyone had the passion to perform great matches that night.”

WWE Hall of Fame: Class of 2019 (as Brad Maxwell) and host of the International Wrestling Podcast - Brian McNail:

“WrestleMania to me is always a can’t miss event. Even when the product is down, the guys normally bring their “A” game for the event and weeks leading to it popularly called the Road to WrestleMania in hopes that they will get reportedly a nice payday for the one event. This year, the Road to WrestleMania was horrible. Between repeated storylines from previous events to individuals with the spotlight not even getting television time or making it to the card, it just felt like nobody in WWE gave a sh*t about the event. Therefore, as a fan, I didn’t really feel anything about it either.

The YouTube preview show had Wade Barrett losing his Intercontinental Title to The Miz in what was a really good match that showcases my earlier thought of bringing their “A” game. Miz won a hard fought ten-minute match up on YouTube to win the Intercontinental Title for a second time. I thought it was going to be the start of a wonderful night. Oh, how I was wrong. Match was a 6/10.

WrestleMania 29 kicked off with a Hurricane Sandy tribute that had everyone from that area scratching their heads as all reports are the damage has been fixed. The traditional playing of “America the Beautiful” by a major recording artist was scrapped so Stephanie McMahon could shake hands with Gov. Chris Christie (a.k.a. Jabba the Hutt). So far, WrestleMania is failing to feel like WrestleMania.

Our opening match was a complete snooze fest as The Shield went over Big Show, Sheamus, and Randy “Boreton” after “surprisingly” Big Show had a heel turn nobody saw coming (yes folks, that is sarcasm). 4/10 because who didn’t see that ending coming.

Our second match, and one I was hoping would be a surprise hit, saw Mark Henry defeat Ryback after Ryback fell on his face trying for “the Shellshock.” The match was an abysmal failure, which says a lot about a match that has such “mat technicians” as Mark Henry and Ryback. 3/10

Third match of the night saw Team Hell No defeat Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston in which Dolph spent the majority of the match taking the bumps from Bryan and Kane. Big E looked lost out there and I really question how fast WWE brought him from NXT/FCW to WWE, especially at WrestleMania. 4/10 because there was no skipping from AJ Lee.

The fourth match and surprise sleeper of the night saw Fandango and Chris Jericho put on a nine-minute, fun-paced match with the “rookie” Fandango going over the “veteran” Chris Jericho. This match is one of the few matches in the right spot on the card as it could have shown everyone up if it was put on later as a crowd breather before a main event. 7/10

The first “Main Event” and fifth match overall of the card saw Alberto Del Rio defeat Jack Swagger, who didn’t even get to make an entrance to the ring and instead got a jobbers treatment. It was a boring match with a predictable outcome that surprisingly didn’t feature a Money in the Bank cash in by Dolph Ziggler. 4/10.

"I believe I can fly.  I believe I can touch the sky..."

CM Punk and Undertaker put on a match that should have made everyone else on the card ashamed for even showing up to work. The match was everything everyone expected and more. Yes, these two have fought before but this felt different. It felt real and I think a lot of that had to do with Punk making it personal. These two put on a match that, in the annals of time, will probably go down in the top five WrestleMania matches. 9/10 only because there were a bit to many reversals of finishers in the beginning of the match. 

Triple H beat Brock Lesnar in a boring match that ended after the third or fourth attempt by HHH to get Brock to submit to his own finisher. Brock Lesnar doesn’t need to tap out to HHH - he needs his head caved in with a sledgehammer and repeated pedigrees. Congratulations WWE on making a legit bad ass look weak against a 40+ year old who wrestles 3-4 times a year. Also, why was HBK there? 2/10

The Main Event - Twice in a Lifetime - saw so many Attitude Adjustments and Rock Bottoms that I lost count. The match was stale, boring, and would have gotten anyone else fired before Tuesday’s SmackDown taping for that kind of effort at a WrestleMania. The Rock was blown up early and it showed. Apparently, he got hurt when a muscle was pulled entirely off the bone - something that only happens in extreme cases or when HGH is involved (see quad tears, Triple H). This match was boring and, if it wasn’t for some of the marks in the crowd, wouldn’t have been cheered by anyone in their right minds.”

From the Off the Grill podcast and sex offender registries nationwide, the enigmatic Steak Sauce:

“WrestleMania was... it was... really not that good... for a WrestleMania. If this were any of the other 32 pay-per-views of the year, it would have been one of the greatest shows ever. I personally didn’t think there was a bad match on the card. But there certainly were NO great matches on this card either. Undertaker and CM Punk put on the match of the evening, which pretty much everyone knew would be the case. The Rock vs. John Cena: Part Deux was a match that had absolutely no business being as long as it was. If you cut 15 minutes off, it could have possibly beaten Taker-Punk as match of the night. This was NOT a WrestleMania caliber show. Vince McMahon raped the viewer so hard it was like we were collectively wearing a sexy shawl…

That’s really just a bad attempt. Just goes to show that you can’t force a joke. BUT YOU CAN FORCE A BROAD TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU… OH!”

And finally, a WrestleMania recap from a man who actually attended the event. From the International Wrestling Podcast, the Irishman himself - Gerald Murphy:

“It was a great trip of outside of three hours in MetLife Stadium. The only good things from WrestleMania were CM Punk vs. The Undertaker, Chris Jericho vs. Fandango, and the fireworks. You’ve got to love fireworks.”

From what I can tell, the only thing I missed in choosing the Academy of Country Music Awards was a possibly overrated CM Punk/Undertaker match-up and a lot of nothing. It sounds like I made the right choice on Sunday night.

Keith Urban, Tim McGraw, and Taylor Swift (L to R) perform "Highway Don't Care" at the ACMs.