- My favorite memory of WrestleMania XXVIII is quite different from most fans.
- The Miami Marlins could not have a worst week if they tried.
- Bubba Watson’s victory in Augusta will be one of the most memorable victories in golf for a long time.
- And, I’m Aaron Goins. All my thoughts on these topics and so much more (including the return of the next Big Thing)… in The Highlight Reel!
NEWS and NOTES
**WrestleMania XXVIII has gone with the excitement of a fart in church. At one time, I would not have missed a second of WrestleMania for the world. Even with a better card than the last two WrestleMania events, I could not be bothered to stream the event online illegally. My WrestleMania XXVIII memory is this:
Taylor Swift won Entertainer of the Year for a second consecutive year. I watched and loved every second of the Academy of Country Music Awards. While some of the performances were off in comparison to last year’s show, this year’s ACMs still highlighted some of the best in American music. I loved Lady Antebellum’s stripped version of “Dancing Away with My Heart” and Kimberly Perry just stole my heart during The Band Perry’s “Postcard from Paris.” Kenny Chesney joined forces with Tim McGraw for “Feel Like a Rock Star” and made me even sadder that I will miss their concert stop in Charlotte in June. While the performances were good, the awards made me smile most as the ACMs recognized the best in country music. While Taylor walked away with the ultimate honor, Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton continued their claim as country music’s new royal duo with Top Female and Male Vocalist honors. Lady Antebellum left with Top Group and Thompson Square shocked everyone by winning Top Duo.
Oh, I was talking about WrestleMania XXVIII. Sorry. I got distracted with something more exciting.
**WrestleMania XXVIII went off without a hitch from Miami, Florida. No rain, no fires, nobody no-showing the event even though he believed it was happening on April 21st (*cough* Undertaker *cough*). Everything went off perfectly. Well, it went perfectly for Vince McMahon. For fans of professional wrestling, the event was perfect for an hour and horrible for three hours.
WrestleMania XXVIII opened with Sheamus defeating World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan for the title in 18 seconds. That’s right. 18 seconds. Vince McMahon let everyone know what he thinks of Daniel “Internet Wrestling Community Darling” Bryan with an 18-second loss on the biggest stage of them all. However, that was not the only move done with malice for the IWC intended. Cody Rhodes lost the Intercontinental Championship to Big Show in a five-minute squash. Extra’s Maria Menounos pinned Divas Champion Beth Phoenix to score the win for her and Kelly Kelly over the Glamazon and Eve Torres. A long-tenured and often-hated veteran and a TV show host destroyed both Rhodes and Phoenix, favorites of the IWC. The fact that Randy Orton jobbed cleanly to Kane did little to eliminate the bad taste left in the mouths of fans as pathetic just begins to describe this.
Despite going into the match with booking that would lead you to believe Triple H was fighting Shawn Michaels inside Hell in a Cell and The Undertaker telling us the match was on April 21st, The Undertaker and Triple H delivered in their Hell in a Cell match.
Sporting the look of a Melissa Etheridge fan, The Undertaker went 20-0 because there was no chance in hell that Triple H was going to end the streak of Vince McMahon’s favorite creation (sorry Shane, Stephanie). Now, The Undertaker can disappear for 11 months before returning for 21-0 next year.
John Laurinatis became the General Manager of both RAW and SmackDown when Team Johnny defeated Team Teddy in the 12-man Tag Team match that got guys a paycheck and nothing more. WWE Champion CM Punk retained the title over Chris Jericho in a match that I have heard was magical. Two of the greatest wrestlers in the world today were given time to perform and they stole the show for wrestling fans. Of course, this title match was lost in the shuffle with focus placed on Hell in a Cell and the main event of Cena and Dwayne. That is a shame too as Punk and Jericho did the thing on the marquee better than anybody else did. They wrestled.
As for the main event, I was shocked at how many people I consider smart fans and fans with great minds for the business actually believed John Cena was going to win against Dwayne Johnson. I mean, it was as if these fans had never watched Vince McMahon’s product before. Hollywood stars and celebrities ALWAYS go over the professional wrestlers on the big stages. ALWAYS. I called it five minutes after WWE announced the match. WWE proved me right when Dwayne Johnson pinned John Cena cleanly at WrestleMania XXVIII. Dwayne Johnson continues to look like a bad ass while returning to Hollywood. John Cena has the rest of the roster to run through to regain his edge…
**Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That’s Brock Lesnar! The day after WrestleMania saw Brock Lesnar return to the WWE and hit John Cena with an F5 in one of the weakest “moments” in WWE history. WWE calls this a magical moment but I just see Lesnar taking Cena into an elaborate finisher without a semblance of fight from the face of the company. I guess I was wrong about Cena regaining his edge by running through the WWE roster. Instead, his reward for putting over Dwayne Johnson is to put over Brock Lesnar next. I don’t know whose bed John Cena pooped in but it looks like he’s being jobbed out to bigger stars left and right to devalue his name as if he was close to leaving. It is a weird situation right now in the WWE.
Speaking of the weird situation in the WWE currently, I would be foolish if I did not mention that Dwayne “I’m home and never leaving” Johnson has began a quest to become WWE Champion again. Now, his quest has started with Johnson filming a movie and not appearing on RAW the week after WrestleMania so everything appears to be right on schedule.
It looks like Dwayne Johnson and Brock Lesnar are the focal points of World Wrestling Entertainment for the 2012-2013 Road to WrestleMania. Once again, Johnson has signed a contract that will allow him to film movies, appear via satellite occasionally, and wrestle a handful of matches where he will put over nobody for millions of dollars. Meanwhile, Brock Lesnar has returned to the WWE after getting his ass kicked repeatedly in the UFC. The details of Lesnar’s contract show that he will work with more people than just John Cena. However, Lesnar’s deal also shows that he is far from returning to a full-time schedule. Lesnar will work a maximum of 40 dates while earning $5,000,000 guaranteed. Five. Million. Dollars. The thought of that amount of money for that little work makes me sick to my stomach when I know that plenty of Superstars and Divas on the WWE roster work 300+ days a year and are lucky to get $425,000 a year.
While Johnson and Lesnar both bring an interest to the WWE that the rest of the roster does not bring, I do not support either man. The reason they bring interest is that both men made their names as professional wrestlers at a time when WWE created stars. They abandoned ship before WWE could turn their names from moneymakers into jokes. Now, they make easy money because Vince McMahon is desperate for anyone that can bring back the fans Vince himself ran off with inept booking from 2007 until now. Neither Johnson nor Lesnar are anything special enough to warrant the paychecks they are getting. Nobody in the business is worth this much money or catering to. Nobody. If the booking teams knew what to do with the talent they have, they would not have to continue reaching for relics from a time when booking teams actually did their jobs properly and created stars fans could believe in. In my opinion, booking is the most important thing in the wrestling business. Until WWE learns how to book their product properly again, they will never achieve greatness regardless of how many big names from years gone by they resign to part-time deals.
**On April 15th, TNA Wrestling will have one of their biggest events of the year emanate from Nashville, Tennessee as Lockdown will take place. The main event will see the culmination of a feud that started in November for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship as Bobby Roode defends against former Beer Money partner James Storm inside a steel cage. While TNA has only built this match for half the time WWE used on Cena vs. Dwayne, the anticipation for this war between former Beer Money partners is higher by a million percent because these two have traded shots, shed blood, and did everything to build a professional wrestling feud. Roode vs. Storm for the most important championship in professional wrestling today is a match that I do not intend on missing.
With every match occurring inside the steel cage, Lockdown always has a unique feel of excitement and danger with every match. It is the proper way to build a pay-per-view event focused on a gimmick match. This year’s event has some great matches lined up for the steel cage. In Lethal Lockdown, the rivalry between Garret Bischoff and his father Eric Bischoff will culminate with a match where the losing Bischoff leaves TNA Wrestling. Team Garret (Garret Bischoff, AJ Styles, Mr. Anderson, Rob Van Dam, and X-Division Champion Austin Aries) will face Team Eric (Eric Bischoff, Christopher Daniels, Kazarian, Gunner, and Bully Ray). While I am personally tired of the Bischoff feud, this is a great blow off for the feud. The match combines a lot of great rivalries and styles to make one outstanding multi-participant match. In addition, I am looking forward to Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle’s one-on-one encounter inside the steel as both men, when their heads are on right, can deliver as only few can in the business.
In other action at Lockdown, the Motor City Machine Guns return to action with a Tag Team Championship match against current champions Magnus and Samoa Joe. Knockouts Champion Gail Kim defends against Velvet Sky in a match that hopefully will end Gail’s reign of terror/apathy for the Knockouts’ title. New TV Champion Devon defends his title against former champion Robbie E and former partners collide when Matt Morgan goes one-on-one with the unbeaten Crimson. All in all, Lockdown will be a solid event that only a small audience will enjoy because the wrestling world is full of too many fans with a “It must be a Vince McMahon show or else” mindset to enjoy the best complete PPV event in April.
**March Madness came with the roar of a lion and went out with the whimper of a lamb beaten within an inch of its life. Seriously, the 2012 NCAA Tournament was one of the most forgettable tournaments in college basketball history and the culmination of one of the most easily forgettable seasons in college basketball history. The only thing that will be slightly memorable for me did not even come from the men’s game.
The Baylor Lady Bears, led by 6’8” Brittney Griner, became the first team, either male or female, to go 40-0 as they won the NCAA Women’s tournament. John Calipari led his team of “one and done” talent to a 38-2 record and victory in the NCAA Men’s tournament. Of course, considering Calipari’s track record, this title will be vacated before the banner is securely in the rafters of Rupp Arena. Nevertheless, the victory is theirs.
**I am not a huge fan of watching baseball on television. It is boring. It just is. However, I absolutely love watching baseball live. I especially love watching Greensboro Grasshoppers baseball live. Last week, I attended the season opener with my friend Doug, his father David, and another guy named Steven. The season opener was a complete wash as the rains postponed the game until Saturday. Saturday’s doubleheader was a lot of fun to attend though. Greensboro defeated the Lexington Legends, 11-1, in Game 1 before losing Game 2 by a final score of 5-3 after their closer blew a save in the final inning. While I do not endorse watching baseball regularly on television, I cannot recommend attending your local minor league parks enough. The fresh air, the food, the drink, the crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd, the minor league experience has everything awesome about the game that you can’t get from the major league television experience except for in the postseason.
**On April 28th, The Highlight Reel will get all kinds of sexy when the 2012 edition of the Top 50 Most Beautiful Women in the World is unveiled. A team of a dozen analysts is already scanning the globe to discover and rate the 50 most beautiful women on the planet. Actually, I am just rating who are the 50 hottest women on the planet. It is an awesome list though and it is coming soon. April 28th is going to be a sexy day for The Highlight Reel.
**In the upcoming weeks, I will be facing Finals for one of the final times (hopefully) of my academic career. If I said I was excited, it would be an understatement. I am looking forward to the finish of this semester for two reasons. First, I want to focus solely on the 15-page paper that I have to write for my evidences in obtaining a teaching license. Second, I want to enjoy my final days of freedom before the cell doors close on my prison senten… future, FUTURE, and I am locked into this path as a high school English teacher. I hope that my enthusiasm for this career will grow as I go deeper into it. However, I continue to remember what Red said in The Shawshank Redemption about hope: “Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.” The hope for ultimate enjoyment and satisfaction with my career may indeed drive me crazy. We’ll see.
CHEERS and JEERS
Superstar of the Week: Bubba Watson
Going into the final round of The Masters, Bubba Watson was in fourth place and three shots behind leader Peter Hanson. While popular among the fans, the media focused solely on the struggles of Tiger Woods (ultimately finishing 40th) and the positioning of Phil Mickelson, second place and one shot down, going into Sunday. Both Mickelson and Hanson faltered on Sunday while Louis Oosthuizen used a historic albatross on the second hole to take the lead early in the final round. Watson tied Oosthuizen late, forcing a sudden death playoff. On the second hole of the playoff, Watson hit his second shot from the woods without a clear shot of the green. In a shot that will remain in Augusta lore forever, Watson’s shot curved majestically 40 yards and ultimately landed 10 feet from the hole. Watson pared the hole and claimed his first PGA major championship by winning the 2012 Masters.
I hope that this is the first of many wins for Bubba Watson. He is a great story and a great personality in a sport that lacks personality a lot of the time. Watson plays golf with a power not seen since Tiger Woods and John Daly in their respective primes. His talent is amazing considering the young man never received a golfing lesson a day in his life. Also, a man of faith and conviction, Watson cried as he embraced his mother moments after winning in a scene that touched anyone with a heart. Watson won over many new fans as he continuously mentioned his wife and new son at home in Florida. Watson shed tears many times as he savored the moment and anticipated his arrival home to the family he missed. It was a magical moment of real genuine emotion coming from a young man caught up in the moment. Congratulations to Bubba Watson. His victory in Augusta was truly a victory unlike any other.
Jerk of the Week: The Miami Marlins organization
In the first week of the 2012 Major League Baseball schedule, the Miami Marlins came out of the blocks running hard for the title of biggest joke in all of sports. Between the debut of a new stadium that is so gaudy it makes Graceland looks tasteful, a first pitch that bordered between embarrassing and cruel, and an interview from the new manager that alienated the already fair-weather fan base, the Miami Marlins have done everything possible to have the worst week in baseball history.
On Opening Night, the Miami Marlins unveiled Marlins Park in the showcase game on ESPN against the St. Louis Cardinals. This stadium has an aquarium behind home plate, a ghastly structure to celebrate home runs outside center field, a massive swimming pool behind the outfield, and a nightclub inside the park. Baseball is not enough to lure Miami fans so they need all of these bells and whistles to lure fans from one of the worst sports cities in the country to their park. While not cursed yet, their first pitch may have doomed Marlins Park as Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria trotted Muhammad Ali out for the first pitch. Well, trotted out means Ali walked. Loria led Ali out on a cart as the Parkinson’s disease ravaging his body was on full display during this three-minute sideshow of absurdity called a first pitch ceremony. Ali could not grip a baseball; let alone throw a pitch. It was a horrible scene. The Miami Marlins showcased one of the greatest sports figures of all-time in his current state as the shell of a once-proud and amazing fighter.
On Saturday, new manager Ozzie Guillen destroyed any good will he had with the Miami community as he said the following in an interview with Time magazine: “I respect Fidel Castro. You know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that [expletive] is still here.” Nothing says “Hello, Miami” quite like telling the 1,000,000-plus Cuban immigrants that you love the dictator whose oppressive rule they fled. What’s next, Ozzie? Are you going to sing the praises of Adolf Hitler? Benito Mussolini? Saddam Hussein? George W. Bush? Ozzie Guillen’s idiotic statements have led to many calling for a suspension or firing. The Miami Marlins suspended him for five games. However, there is a little thing called Freedom of Speech that allows one to say whatever stupid statement he/she wants. I guess that does not apply to sports since he was suspended. I thought managing in that cursed Marlins Park would be punishment enough.
POWER RANKINGS - Best Single Day in Sports
5. New Year’s Day - College football bowls including the Rose Bowl
4. Memorial Day - Indianapolis 500 and Coca-Cola 600
3. Usually the first Sunday in April - Final Round of The Masters
2. A Thursday and Friday in mid-March - 2nd Round of NCAA Tournament
1. The first Sunday in February - Super Bowl
BIG A RECOMMENDS…
Anaconda - currently available on DVD
On April 11th, 1997, a film entered theaters so full of over-the-top acting, cheesy dialogue, and horrendous special effects that it could not help but spawn numerous sequels with each worse than the previous. That film was Anaconda.
For those who have never witnessed this cinematic masterpiece, I encourage you to grab a copy of this film. Featuring an all-star cast, Anaconda is to the 1990s what The Towering Inferno or The Poseidon Adventure was to the 1970s. Jennifer Lopez stars as our heroine Terri, a film director shooting a documentary on the Amazon River. Ice Cube plays her lead cameraman while Academy Award winner Jon Voight portrays a crazed snake hunter who guides the film crew into the jungle on his quest to find the giant snake. The film also stars Owen Wilson, Danny Trejo, Eric Stoltz, and a giant mechanical snake.
On the 15th anniversary of this film, I celebrate the beauty that is Anaconda. Screw the 15th Anniversary re-release of Titanic. If any film deserved a re-release, it was Anaconda. Gather your friends, family, and even complete strangers to bask in the glory that is this under-appreciated jewel of la cinema.
WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK…
I learned that a mid-life crisis could destroy your life as quick as having a motorcycle accident while taking your mistress for a joyride. If you don’t believe me, ask Bobby Petrino. He has plenty of time to answer questions now that he is unemployed.
Petrino, the former coach at the University of Arkansas, was involved in a motorcycle accident in late March. His passenger in the accident was former All-SEC volleyball player Jessica Dorrell. Neither Petrino nor Dorrell were seriously injured despite both not wearing helmets during the accident. While that was a blessing, the accident set off a chain of events that ultimately destroyed Petrino’s relation with a university, a marriage, and probably a career.
In the immediate aftermath of the accident, stories came out making the story look like more than a mere dumb accident. Petrino initially asked authorities to keep Dorrell’s involvement under wraps. He repeatedly said he was alone until authorities stated otherwise. The reasoning for this was because Dorrell was Petrino’s mistress. Oh, and she was just hired to a university position earlier that same week at the recommendation of Petrino. So, not only was Dorrell the mistress of Petrino, she was also an employee receiving improper benefits from the face of Arkansas football. An investigation of the incident and the Petrino/Dorrell relationship by Arkansas athletic director Jeff Long uncovered that Dorrell received an undisclosed $20,000 gift from Petrino in late 2011.
On April 10th, Long announced the firing of Petrino from his position at Arkansas because of his misdeeds. The results of a mid-life crisis from a man in a powerful position ultimately led to great shame for a respected university. In addition, it destroyed a marriage as Petrino’s wife is in the midst of divorce proceedings. Also, it crushed a young woman’s image because she will have the label of #Hoeski following her for the rest of her life. Finally, this incident ended the career of a talented-but-troubled college football coach. I do not see Petrino landing another major job in football. Petrino was a winner at the college level. Despite what you may think of his brief professional endeavor with the Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Petrino won college football games. Yet, between the Falcons debacle and this public disgrace, I think Bobby Petrino may have lost his last major coaching job. He may get a D-III job at a community college in Montana. However, his days of flirting with national titles are finished.
Bobby Petrino taught me that a man could lose his livelihood by allowing a mid-life crisis to get out of hand. It is a lesson that everyone, deep down, already knows. But, much like the horror stories of drug abusers or alcoholics keep people on the straight and narrow, we need a fall from grace like Petrino’s to remind us that the best way to embrace mid-life is not with a motorcycle and promiscuous 20-something but with a cold drink and a “don’t give a [bleep]” attitude instead.
- Aaron Goins
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